Thursday, June 10, 2010

The CID team in a Restaurant


The CID team reaches a restaurant


ACP(ungliyaan yahaan bhi ghoom rahi hain): Yeh restaurant hai toh yahaan khaana bhi zaroor milta hoga. Abhijeet, PATA LAGAO yahaan milta kya-kya hai.

Abhijeet: Khud pata laga le.

Daya(sabse pehle bol pada): 10 aloo ke paranthe makhan maar ke.

Abhijeet: Hainnn ? Myyyy Goddd !!

Daya: Saale yeh sab khaaunga nahi toh Darwaza kya tera baap todega.

Salunkhe: Main toh kissi bhi chemical ke saath 4 roti kha lunga. Haan khoon ki chatni bhi le aana.

ACP: Ohhhh ! Kuch toh gadbad hai.. Aaj Salunkhe Acid ke saath roti nahi kha raha.

Abhijeet: Aaj Suraag dhoondhte hue maine laash ki jeb mein padha laddoo kha liya tha. Mera pet toh full hai.

Fredricks: Sir, main kuch nahi lunga. Aaj biwi ke liye karwa chauth vrat rakha hai.

ACP(ungliyaan zor zor se hilti hui): Mere liye toh bas ek laash le aao.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

CID takes on Karan Johar



ACP : Kuch to gadbad hai...mujhe lagta hai hame Karan Johar ko arrest karna padega...

Fredrix :Karan Johar ko?? Sir, aap kabse ye nawaabo wale shokh rakhne lage??

ACP : Chup raho freddy nahi to jail mein tumhe uske saath band kar dunga....naukri to jaayegi hi, lekin badnaami zyada hogi!

Abhijeet : Sir, aapko aisa kyu lagta hai ki khoon Karan Johar ne kiya hai??

ACP (finger dance) : kyuki laash ke yaha se coffee with karan ke mugs mile hai.....

Abhijeet : Iska matlab khooni Karan Johar hai?? haeinn??

ACP : Ye to waqt aane par hi pata chalega!!

CID goes to Karan Johar's place!!

ACP (knocking the door) : Karan darwaza kholo...nahi to anjaam bahot bura hoga!
Karan (shouting from inside) : Nahi kholunga...mujhe aap mein se kisiki bhi niyat pe bharosa nahi hai...

Daya Gets ready to smash the door door.... ACP shakes his head and says no..

ACP : Achha thik hai..main akela hi andar aaunga "God Promise"...ab to darwaza khol do...mujhpar bharosa rakho...main ek 60 saal ka aadmi hu!

Abhijeet : Darwaza kholte ho ya hum khud khol ke andar aaye? haeinn??

Karan(with a worried expression) : ACP Pradyuman...apne officer se kaho ki zabaan sambhaal ke baat kare...ashleelta na failaaye!!

ACP : Abhijeet....ise main handle karta hu, tum sab waapas bureau jao!

ACP somehow manages to bring Karan Johar to the bureau!

Abhijeet : Ab batao Mr. Karan Johar...kyu mara tumne Rita ko? haeinn?

Karan : Maine nahi mara kisi bhi Rita ko...main to use jaanta tak nahi!!

ACP : Oh my Gawdddd!!....ye chakkar kuch aur hi hai...to Karan ye batao ki tum 12 taarikh ki raat ko kaha they??

Karan (blushing) : uss raat to main shahrukh ke saath date pe gaya tha!!

ACP : jhooth mat bolo Karan...ye CID bureau hai...coffee with karan ka studio nahi....yaha hum sawaal puchhte hai aur mujrim jawaab deta hai...Daya, isse apni bhaasha mein samjhao..

Daya : Sorry sir, main aurat pe haath nahi uthaata..!!

ACP : Tasha, tum samjhao isse

Tasha Slaps him (bang!!)

Karan(crying) : Haa...rita ka khoon maine hi kiya hai...kyuki woh Gauri Khan ko mere aur shahrukh ke affair ke baare mein bataane wali thi...

ACP : Aur itni si baat ke liye tumne uski itni be-rehmi se hatya kar di....aari warsi khatan gayaa si...tumhe faasi hogi faasi!!

Karan is being led to the gallows...but there is a twist in the tale, when out of nowhere Dr. Salunk pops out and stops the team...

Dr.Salunkhe:Boss yeh tumne kya kiya? Ek masoom ko faasi dene ja rahe th;e??

ACP:Kya bakwaas kar rahe ho Salunkhe..tumhara dimaag to theek hai na..

Dr.Salunkhe:Boss, mera dimaag ekdum theek hai..lekin tum lagta hai satya gaye ho..

ACP:Salunkhe, tumhe kya sanyaas chahiye..

Dr.Salunkhe:ACP Saab, Rita ka khoon KJo ne nahi kisi mard ne kiya hai..:...

ACP :Kya? Yeh kaise ho sakta hai? Usne apna jurm khud kabool kiya hai

Dr.Salunkhe:Nahi Boss...maine sab dekh liya hai..Rita ki laash jab maine kareeb se dekhi tab maine ghaav ko dekha..usse kisi mard ne hi maara hai jo kareeb 40 saal ka hai..

ACP:Chaalis saal ka mard!!

Abhijeet:MY GAWD!! Sir yeh to gadbad ho gaya..na to KJo chaalis saal ka hai aur na woh mard hai..

Dr.Salunkhe:Haan Abhijeet, aur ek aur baat..uss aadmi ka sar apni jagah pe nahi hai..

ACP (O-O):Salunkhe dimaag to tumhara apne sar pe nahi hai..kya anaab shanaab bole jaa rahe ho? CID ke paas zyaada waqt nahi hai..

Dr.Salunkhe:Boss..mera matlab hai ki uss aadmi ko apna sar aur haath hilane ki aadat hai..

ACP :Aisa kaunsa aadmi ho sakta hai?

Daya:Sir..aisa to sirf ek hi hai..jiska iss case se samband hai

ACP:Kaun?

Daya:Shahrukh Khan Sir..

Freddie:SRK!! Woh star..nahi Daya Sir..woh kaise ho sakta hai..woh to bahut bada filmstar hai..aur meri wife ka favortie bhi hai..

ACP:Yes daya..you are right!! Chalo SRK ke ghar..
(to be continued at SRK's house...)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Dekh kya rahe ho Daya , Darwaza tod do !


CID team reaches a room where a dead body is supposed to be found.

ACP: Dekh kya rahe ho Daya, baar baar bolna padega kya..- Darwaza tod do !

Daya - Sir, main toh crime site pe pahunchte hi darwaza dhoondhta hoon. lekin iss kamre mein toh darwaza hi nahin hai.

Abhijeet: hain ? lagta hai khooni bahut chalaak hai. usse pata tha Daya darwaza todne zaroor aayega. usne bina darwaza ke kamre mein hee laash faenk di.

Fredricks: Sir, ab kya karen ?

ACP: Wapas chalo. iss kamre mein darwaza nahin hai. yeh case humse solve nahi hoga..

Thursday, April 8, 2010

CID taking on Sunny Paaji (Final part)


At Forensic..

Dr.Salunkhe,"Boss..maine sab check kar liya hai..yeh kutto ki hi haddiyan hai.."

ACP,"Aur kuch? Yeh to hume pata tha.."

Dr.Salunkhe,"Lekin kya aap ko yeh maloom tha ki yeh kutte pehle maare gaye..phir inka khoon peeya gaya tha.."

ACP (from O-o to O-O),"Kya!??"

Dr.Salunkhe,"Haan ACP saab..inn kutto ki bones pe lage thode se flesh ko maine ANTD kiya to mujhe pata chala ki inka flesh bahut sukha hai..aur khoon bahut kam.."

Abhijeet,"Mujhe to kuch gadbad lag rahi hai Sir.."

ACP,"Haan..mujhe bhi..aur iss gadbad ka ilaaj sirf uss ladki ke paas hain.."

They go back to the house..a new door has been installed..

Abhijeet,"Daya..darwaza band hai!!"

Daya,"Naya darwza!! (Yippee!! Yay!! mann mein ladoo phut rahe hai)

SLAM!

Woman is standing dangerously with a gun in one hand and a dog in another..

Woman,"Aage mat aana nahi to main iss kutte ko maar doongi.."

Abhijeet,"Dekho..gun neeche rakho..hum baat karte hai."

Woman,"Nahi..jabse Sholay dekhi..tab se dekhna chahti thi kutte ka khoon ka kaisa hota hai..aaj jab main itne kutto ka khoon pee chuki ho..tab mujhe aadat si ho gayi.."

Daya,"Tum kutto ke khoon se addicted ho!!"

Woman,"Haan!! Main addicted hoon!!"

In the meantime Vivek appears from the window..grabs the gun and a fight ensues..

Abhijeet,"Batao..tumhara Dharam ji ke saath kya connection hai?"

Woman,"Nahi.."

Tasha,"nahi batayegi.." Slap!!

Woman,"ACP Sir..main hi Dharam hoon.."

ACP (again from O-o to O-O),"MY GAWD!!'

Abhijeet,"Heiinnn.."

Daya (removing his hands from his pockets),"Tum Dharamendra ho!!"

Woman,"Haan..jab mujhe film nahi mil rahi thi..tab mere paas paise bhi nahi the..isiliye maine socha ki agar main ek khoobsurat ladki ban jaao to mujhe roles bhi milenge aur main kutte bhi kharid sakoongi kam price mein..isiliye maine face mask lagakar ladki banne ka naatak kiya.."

ACP,"Ab to tumhe faansi hogi faansi..aur woh bhi kutto ke khilaaf jurm karne ke liye..PETA tumhari khatiya khadi kar denge..ab jail mein baithke chuhoon ka khoon peena seekh lena..wohi milenge.."

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

CID taking on Sunny Paaji (part 3)



Daya and Tasha go to petshops..and finally see one at which a curly haired woman is saying no to all the dogs..(Vodafone ad)

Daya,"Madam..yeh aap kya kar rahi hai?"

Woman,"main? Sabzi kharid rahi hoon.."

Daya,"Heiiinnnnn.."

Woman,"Dogs ki dukaan mein dogs hi milenge na..waise aap kaun?"

Tasha,"Hum CID se hain.."

Woman,"C-C-C-C-CID!!"

Daya,"Haan.."

Woman finally selects a dog and goes (Vodafone ad)

Tasha,"Sir..aapko kuch ajeeb nahi laga?"

Daya,"Kya?"

Tasha,"Sir usne achche dogs reject kiye aur ek ganda curly dog leke gayi..."

Daya,"Chalo..uska peecha karte hai.."

They follow her to her house..she goes in..comes out and leaves..

Tasha,"Sir..woh to gayi ab hum uska ghar check kar sakte hai.."

Daya,"Chalo.."

Tasha,"Darwaza band hai...Sir.."

Daya,"To kya?"

SLAM!!
Daya and Tasha go in..and they immediately call Abhijeet..and tell him to come here..

Abhijeet enters the house..

Abhijeet,"MY GAWD!!"

Daya,"Main bhi yehi bolne wala tha..alekin yeh to tumhara dialogue hai.."

Abhijeet,"Itne saare kutto ki hadiyan.."

Daya,"Mujhe to lagta hai yeh ladki hi Dharam ke liye kutte laati hogi.."

Abhijeet,"Inhe Forensic lab le jaate hai.."

Thursday, March 25, 2010

CID taking on Sunny Paaji (part 2)


Daya : sir, mujhe lagta hai iske ghar pe raid marte hai...zaroor kutto ki haddiya milengi!

ACP : iske baap ko to hum baad mein dekhenge....pehle isse to nipat le!

Abhijeet : sach sach batao kyu mara tumne balwantraai ke kutte ko? haeinn?? mard hote hue ek aisi harkat karme ke tym pe tumhe sharam nahi aayi??

Sunny(shouting) : mard banne ka itna shock hai to kutton ka sahara laina chod de kutiya...doosron ka sahara woh leta hai jiski hadiyon mein paani bhara hota hai

ACP : ohh my gawdd! ye aise nahi maanega...daya, isse apni bhaasha mein samjhao!

Daya comes forward and gives his one tight slap (PHATTTTT!!!)

Sunny(crying) : Haa, maine hi balwantraai ke kutte ko maara hai...

ACP : Kyu mara tumne usse itna be-rehmi se?

Sunny : Usne meri mercedes ke pichhe wale tyre pe susu kar di!!

ACP : my gawd! tumhe to umar kaid ki saza hogi....fir susu karte rehna jail mein!!

ACP,"Abhijeet ab hume isske papa ko doondhna hoga..aakhir isme unka bhi haath hai.."

Abhijeeet,"Yes Sir..kyonki Sunny to paagal ho gaya hai..sirf Tareeka pe Tareeka (ACP O-o)..mera matlab hai tareekh pe tareekh bol raha hai.."

ACP,"Abhijeet..yeh pyaar ka chakkar tum baad me khelo..pehle ek kaam karo..tum jaake Sunny ko interrogate karo..kuch to pata chalega..Daya,Tasha..tum petshop mein jaake check karo..ki koi aadmi zyaada kutte leke gaya hain kya.."

Abhijeet,"Lekin Sir..woh galli ki kutte bhi pakad sakte hain.."

ACP,"Hmmm..ho sakta hai..lekin galli ke kutto ko rabies ho sakta hai..woh gandhe ho sakte hai..aur Dharam ke paas itne paise bhi nahi honge ki woh kutte ko injection de.."

Fredericks,"Lekin Sir woh to filmstar hai!! Unki paas to bahut pasie hain..meri wife kehti hai ki main bhi superstar ban sakta hoon.."

ACP,"Haan Fredeericks..zaroor ban sakte ho..lekin iss case ke baad..aur Sunny..Dharam ne paanch saal mein ek bhi film nahi ki..to ho sakta hai..ki woh petshop jaake kutt kidnap karte ho..Vivek..tum jaake police records check karo..dekho kisine missing dogs ki report likhi hai kya.."

Monday, March 22, 2010

CID taking on Sunny Paaji




Sunny (shouting on the top of his voice) : aaaayyyyyyeeeeee!!!!!!...tum mujhe aise arrest nahi kar sakte, mujhe mere papa se baat karni hai!!

Abhijeet :
Papa se kyu baat karni hai??haeinnn??

Sunny : Tum shayad jaante nahi mere papa ko....kutto ka khoon peene mein expert hai!!

Fredrix : Sir, isse chhod do....mujhe to lagta hai iska baap vampire hai!!

ACP : chup raho fredrix nahi to naukri se haath dho baithoge......

Daya : Sach sach batao ki 29 taarikh ki raat ko tum kaha the??

Sunny : taarikh pe taarikh....taarikh pe taarikh....taarikh pe taarikh...main us taarikh ko apne farm house pe tha!!

Abhijeet : tumhari saari family sirf kutto ko hi target karti hai kya??...haeinnn?

Sunny : Zabaan sambhaalo....ye dhaai kilo ka haath jab kisipe padta hai, to aadmi uth ta nahi...uth jaata hai!!!

ACP : woh sab to thik hai, tumne balwantraai ke kutte ko mara....fir tumhara baap uska khoon pee gaya...kuch to gadbad zaroor hai!!